6/9/23

I paid my attorney, that I ended up firing, an exorbitant amount of money, and never went to trial or mediation. I turned this attorney into the State Bar and they accepted my ethics complaint and are currently investigating. I am also filing a claim with his insurance company, which all attorney’s have. I could also sue for malpractice, but I can’t afford to file a malpractice lawsuit, just to hire an attorney is a minimum $10,000 retainer fee. Who has that kind of money? I took out 5 loans over the course of this divorce, to get custody of my children, and my attorney ended up giving my ex a better deal than me! I got ZERO custody of my children. Zero and I have to pay part of my 401k and alimony too! My attorney convinced me that I had gotten a great deal! At the time, I believed him. How this person sleeps at night is beyond me.

In the settlement, which I agreed to (because I trusted my attorney and believed that he had my children’s and my best interests in mind, and I was mentally and physically ground down with depression from being alienated from my children, I felt I had no hope of ever seeing my kids again, my attorney said your kids are a lost cause, your best bet is to find a good Reunification Therapist-I believed him) my ex got a large portion of my 401k, alimony & child Support, of which is coming out of my paychecks. My ex was required by the settlement agreement to sign a satisfaction of child support arears once the divorce was finalized. Do you think he has signed it? No. Since he hasn’t written off the arears, they keep accumulating and I’m being denied a passport to travel, anymore refunds I get from the state will continue to go to him. In addition, the state is taking an additional amount out of all my paychecks to pay off the arears, the arears that should have been written off! I’m literally paying my ex another rental/mortgage payment! THIS IS WHAT A NARCISIST DOES. TAKES EVERYTHING FROM YOU. YOUR PUNISHMENT. (Can you imagine how much I have fantasized about losing my job so I wouldn’t have to pay him a dime!?)

During the middle of our divorce, my ex sold the only house that I was entitled to half of the proceeds, under my nose and for literally pennies, which is in direct violation of divorce proceedings, and my attorney did nothing about it! I didn’t get a dime from that sale. Once the dust settled, I was left shaking my head thinking what in the world did my attorney do for ME?

In addition, I never filed my tax returns back several years because my ex was waiting for his accountant to supply K-1s, while we were still married. I filed my tax returns during the divorce and was owed a few thousand in refunds. Guess who got a large portion of my refunds in the form of past due arears? My ex. He received 1/3 of all my refunds. All while he lied and said he wasn’t working, yet working under the table with his family’s business that never reports his income.

Lies, lies, and more lies. He also lied to his attorney, said I came and got everything I wanted from the house: my jewelry (of which I bought most on my own with my own money and some were gifts), my grandmother’s antique furniture and China. In a phone conversation I told my ex it all means nothing to me, so he said I didn’t want anything so he threw it all out. Digging deeper into my open wound with a knife soaked in lemon juice, as an acquaintance told me.

I also have to mention, the week that I left he took all the money out of our joint savings account. Told me he’d pay me back. I never got it back. My attorney never pushed to retrieve any of my money or property. I left with a backpack and the clothes I had on.

After I fired my attorney, I represented myself in court, in front of a judge to try and get the settlement overturned. I went into a courtroom with my ex, who took literally everything from me. If anyone out there knows how hard this was as an abuse survivor, to do this was a brave step for me. I lost. The judge said something like “Do you not have a brain to understand the settlement that you yourself agreed to?” I choked back tears and said “I just want a fair chance to be with my children.” The judge, who was very cold, said “Reunification Therapy works wonders for families.” My therapist at the time, who came with me to the hearing, turned to me afterwards and said, “well if Reunification doesn’t happen, I’m writing this judge a letter!”

Reunification Therapy has not started yet because I cannot afford an attorney. Yep, in order to have a successful outcome with this type of high level, very legal therapy, is to have an attorney.  Unfortunately for my children and me, I am broke, and I make too much money to get an attorney at a lower rate. I tried. I applied to our state bar, through a program they offer, but this is primarily for low-income families. I was turned down, too much income to debt ratio is what they said, but I know it’s because I make too much money. This is an injustice. I guess in this great country (said with sarcasm dripping), only people with a lot of money have the opportunity for this kind of therapy. I have been grossly and unfairly taken advantage of financially. My children only get a fair shot to be with their alienated parent if I come up with enough money. I loathe money.

In summary, my ex has alienated my children from me, I’ve never abused my children, I’m a blue-collar worker, been with the same employer 20 years, I’m not a drug addict or alcoholic, the only thing I did wrong was leave a toxic marriage, where even today my ex is allowed to keep abusing me. I know my ex would take me back. That’s what he expects, for me to come crawling back on my bloodied knees, begging for crumbs of forgiveness. Why would any sane person go back? If you love someone, you do not do anything and everything possible to hurt them. That’s not love! It is abuse.

Now I am at a crossroad so to speak. To give up on my children or not. My therapist has told me many times, most women in your situation, would have given up a long time ago. I have bent over backwards to get my children back in my life. Only to keep facing more hurdles. That’s why I started this blog, because I do not know what to do at this point.

I am much stronger now than when I left that toxic marriage, but I am still healing. I am still re-writing my story. A story where I am loved, and surrounded by people who love me back. Not for how much money or stability I can bring them. Not for how much I can please them to make them happy. I HAVE GIVEN UP MY NEEDS FOR FAR TOO LONG to please others. The price I paid to be loved, to belong. It’s time I changed that narrative.

Blogger-in-training